The Anti-Bucket List

What's on YOUR bucket list?
Image courtesy of  Freedigitalphotos.net

I’m not gonna lie:  There have been moments of weakness when I have been tempted to print up a Bucket List.  Such posts are all the rage out in the Blogosphere, and every time I read another one I think, “Hey, maybe I should create a bucket list.”

But then I remember that you guys are much too sophisticated for that type of unimaginative writing.  As readers, I know that you yearn for something more meaningful and thought-provoking than a simple list of all the things I want to do (but probably won’t) before I die. 

So, I have refrained from burdening you with the obligatory middle aged/over-achieving/self-absorbed blogger’s Bucket List Post (no offense to any of you who have done that already – I’m sure you were the first on your block to write one.  I, on the other hand, am a day late and a dollar short).  Instead, I am providing a different kind of list: The Anti-Bucket List.  Because I know this is the type of significant and important information you have come to expect from me. 

Here, for your personal edification, is a list of things that I plan to never do in my lifetime:

    1.        Watch Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ.  Not that this needs any explanation, but, really? Mel Gibson is going to teach us about Jesus?  I don’t think so.  Plus, I’m pretty familiar with the story line.

    2.       Go for a hot air balloon ride.  Due to my irrational fear of heights, I’m sure it would be pretty difficult for me to enjoy the view from 1,000 feet while I’m busy hiding my eyes and trying not to look down.  Also, why on earth would I want to travel in a vehicle powered by fire?

    3.       Garden.  I don’t like bugs.  I don’t like dirt.  I can’t remember to water things.  Enough said.

    4.       Sky dive.  See number 2.

    5.       Scuba dive.  You ever hear of sharks?

    6.       Clean the garage.  I have put this job off for years now.  Fortunately, my boys have loads of energy and love to use the big push broom we keep hanging on the wall next to the shovels and rake.  Thus I will, hopefully, never have to clean the garage ever again.  (Hey, a girl can dream).

    7.       Paint a masterpiece (or anything, for that matter).  I have tried to paint seemingly simple things like a vase of flowers, a dog, a single flower, a bowl of fruit.  When your children tell you that your painting is not very good, well, then you need to put the paint brush down and back away from the canvas.  Quickly. I can’t even paint an abstract.  The good news is that I have renewed appreciation for real painters.

    8.       Ride an elephant.  My mom had this on her bucket list.  I lived vicariously through her. 

    9.       Visit Australia.  It’s just too far away and not really that exotic to me.

   10.   Eat octopus, chocolate covered grasshoppers, chocolate covered ants, frog legs, squirrel, or locusts.  As a rule, I am not a picky eater and consider myself quite adventurous when it comes to sampling different cuisines.  Thus, I believe I have the right to refuse to dine on something that is sure to make me vomit before the morsel even passes my lips.

   11.   Get my bellybutton pierced.  That ship has sailed.

   12.   Get a tattoo.  I only put this on here to put my husband’s mind at ease.

So, there you have it.  Twelve things that I vow never to do.  Ever.

I know some of you are going to disagree with me about these choices and that's OK.  Go write your own list. :-)

 

I’d like to send a special shout-out to my friend, Charlotte, who gave me the idea to create this list via a recent Facebook post.  (So, if you think this blog post sucks, blame her.)

All this talk about lists has made me think I need to do a bucket list of things everyone who lives in the Joplin area should try to see or do at least once.  Keep watching for a future post….

How about you?  What are some of your non-bucket list items?  Do you have a bucket list?  How do you feel about such lists?  What is your favorite thing to do in the Joplin area?  Be sure to tell us below in the comments section!