Sunday, July 17, 2011

Peace and Quiet, or, Why Doesn’t Anybody Ever Listen to Me?


Why is it that whenever you are trying to make as little noise as possible and not draw any attention to yourself, you end up doing the exact opposite?

This morning I woke up early to go to the gym and tried to leave without waking up the rest of the house.

Good luck with that.

Our yellow lab, who sleeps UNDER my bed, heard my eyes open and decided to scramble out from his cave at the same time that I swung my feet over the side of the bed. His quick response to my waking up was caused by his severe case of “I-desperately-need-to-please-my-master-at-all-times-so-she-will-occasionally-look-at-me-and-give-me-a-nod-of-appreciation-and-if-I’m-lucky-maybe-I’ll-even-get-fed-dinner-tonight” syndrome. (While having a spouse who is infected with this infirmity may give a gal an upper hand, having a dog so overly dedicated sometimes just becomes downright tedious). Mind you, when I say Toby "scrambled out from his cave", I don’t mean to imply he was particularly nimble in his maneuvers. In fact, he was so loud I had to check and make sure he didn’t invite any friends over to spend the night with him.

After kicking gingerly stepping around the dog, I quietly tip-toed into my closet to put on my workout clothes that I had carefully laid out the night before (I told you I was trying not to wake anybody up!). I slipped into the bathroom to do my minimum morning preparations and silently walked out into the bedroom where I promptly stepped on the one loose board in our bedroom floor. Creeeaaakkk. Now the other, elderly, deaf dog was up, too. His awakening, of course, meant that they both needed to be let outside to use the doggy bathroom before I could even think about leaving the house on my own. And letting them outside necessitated the sounding of the door chime from our alarm (ding-dong).

While the puppies were outside doing their Puppy Business, I fixed myself a glass of water, put on my socks and shoes, and filled a bowl with water for the dogs. I let them back inside (ding-dong), and quietly let myself out into the garage (ding-dong again). I gently closed the door behind me before pressing the garage door opener and jumped into my car before Charlie could come to the door and ask me what time I’d be home.

Ahhhhhh, the peace and tranquility of a morning workout at the gym. Never underestimate the benefits of torturing one’s self in the wee hours of the morning. Not only do early workouts make me feel good for the rest of the day, wearing sweaty clothes for morning drop-off at the kids' schools leads people to think I’m a hard-core athlete. Which I am not. At all. (Hah!) Anyway, after my workout and gossip session with whatever gym friend happened to hop on the neighboring elliptical, I headed back home, expecting to find everyone up and about and just a tad bit angry with me for waking them up so early on a summer day. I parked the car in the garage, psyched myself up for making eggs for the family, and waltzed into the house. Silence. I grabbed my Kindle and went to sit on the couch. About half an hour later Charlie walked into the living room.

“How long have you been up?” he asked.

Wow. Maybe tomorrow I’ll go ahead and turn the TV on while I get dressed….

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